School is supposed to be a place of learning, growth and self-discovery, but for some students, it is not. When I was young, all I wanted was to be liked by people. Elementary days, that’s when life made me realized that everyone hates me. My classmates would tease, bully, hurt and ignore me. They would usually say, “you don’t belong here”, and there I am sitting alone at the corner of our room. I was deeply hurt, but never had I show them I am crying.
Every time I’m in pain I pretend to smile but honestly, deep down in my heart I am already crying and at the back of my mind I am also cursing them. It should have been fun going to school, you learn a lot of things and you acquire knowledge, but unfortunately, because of these people, I used to hate going to school. Every time our teacher would announce the Top 10 students of the class, I always pray that my name will be called but no. For almost six years that I have been into Elementary, all I know is hatred and anger, I believe that I can’t do anything, that I am too dull and idiot.
When I stepped in high school, I thought there will be some changes about how people treat me, but unluckily, my classmates are bullying and discriminating me again. I was in the smart class, (honestly, even I, myself still can’t believe that). Somehow, I did well in school. This is when I was able to be part of the Top 10 students of the class. It was also in high school that I realized that the cliché “if you have money, you’ll have a lot of friends” is true.
Before I go to school, I always see to it that I have a lots of money and food in my bag so that I’ll have something to give to my classmates for them to like me and be friends with me. I had a lot of friends then, but they leave me when I already don’t have money to treat and food to give them. During our fourth year in high school, everyone has their goal, of where they would go to college and what would be their course, while me, I didn’t even know if I will pursue my college or not.
The first reason why I am hesitant to continue college is because, people might bully, ignore, discriminate and hurt me again and the second reason is financial, where would my mom get the money for my tuition fees. After I have graduated high school, I enrolled in a school but I wasn’t able to finish it due to lack of financial. Every time I enter a college, I always end up dropping the course because of different problems, for almost 6 years, I was out of school. Then last 2011 I decided to pursue my college, and there, I was able to enrol in CSPC – Naga which is now BISCAST.
I took the BSEd course because that is what my relatives want, since they are the one who will pay for my tuition fees. I am not really good at school, I always got the lowest grade during examinations and quizzes – just an under average student. Before I enter college, I already know how hard would it be, but still I decided to take the risk because I want to give my family a better way of living. It was so hard for me to cope up with my subjects considering that I was out of school for six years.
College were not that easy for me, I had a lot of difficulties; I have to go to school even without breakfast, lunch and money, even I don’t have sleep at night because my addict cousin is trying to kill us, and even if I am not mentally and emotionally prepared. I must go to school because I promised my mom that I’ll be someone someday and that she will never have to make night into day just to get money. I honestly don’t believe in myself, that Is why I am feeling so blessed because I passed the first, second and third year in college.
I know I did my very best to pass those years even if I am already feeling down, but still I stood up. Now I am in my fourth year, hopefully my last year in college, but I am afraid this will not. I can’t concentrate in my school works, I am worried about my health and anxious about a lot of things. I really find it too difficult this year, the subjects and some of my professor. Lately, I am really feeling so down and upset with myself, I even thought of dropping all my subjects – I am about to quit.
But, when I am already starting to accept my failure there’s this my conscience telling me that my mom is not getting any younger now, she might be weak in the near future, how will I give her a better way of living if I stop here. I have to fight until the finish line, if by any chance, I fail, I know to myself at least I tried. In life, sometimes we have to accept the reality but whatever happens you have to focus on your goal and finish it until the end. No matter how hard or difficult it maybe, you should not quit, because you’ll never know what’s going to happen until you are there to experience it. Life is a race, let’s finish it!