I remember… One time when that Negro said to me, ‘mMaybe you better go along to your own house now. We don’t want no trouble. ‘ I aint trying to cause trouble to nobody. I could of get Crooks hung Up on a tree so easy it aint even funny. All i want is to have somebody to talk to. At least somebody! He slowly backed down and i knew he was scared of the thought of being strung up on a tree. Even though I’m a white women, he’s life is very much aloof. My life is so lonely.
I’m stuck in one small room having nobody to talk to when he has all those people around him. My life aint better than his. Alone. Thats what i feel from the moment i wake up to the moment i go to sleep. Look at me, I’m out of place here , I’m the only woman on this ranch and i Just don’t fit in with anyone. Even with my husband. All he talks about is beating up guys he don’t like. It’s like they’re all in a bubble and as hard as I fight to get in, I’m always on the outside. Nobody wants to talk to me because they all Judge me.
I feel like the only erson I could confide in is Lennie, but sometimes he Just doesn’t listen to me. Is all he ever talks about is tending the rabbits? He he’s nuts! Talking about all this nonsense of owning a place with his little companion, George. He’s Just like a child I suppose. I’ve got to admit, Lennie did a huge favour for me and beat up Curley. I remember that day they tried to lie to me by saying Curley got his hand caught up in a machine. Do they think I’m a kid? I knew exactly what was going on but they didn’t know the fact that i was glad. On the bright side, when
Curleys not there with me, I get to have some fun playin’ around with some men. I come into the bunkhouse and say that I’m lookin’ for Curley. No one can blame a person for lookin’. Slim is an attractive man and IVe got my eye on him. But they don’t know me. They don’t know that I could’ve been a star. I met a guy and he said that I had ‘it’. He said I had exactly what they were looking for, I was perfect. He said he’d send me letter right away. But I never got that goddamn letter. That one letter could of changed my life forever when hat guy said I was a natural at it.
I’m sure my ma stole it and threw it away. She always denied it but I knew deep down she was Jealous of my success. My cream as an actress In Hollywood Is all lost. No more opportunltles Tor me. I Jus’ wasn’t gonna be in a place where my life ain’t going anywhere. That’s when I decided to get on out of there. That day was the scariest day of ma life. I Just packed up and left. ‘Course I had nowhere to go, but that’s when Curley came. He was so kind, a real 01’ gentleman. He took me in a treated me like royalty. We married the next week.
But he changed, and he changed goddamn quick. He told me I should stay in the house and clean. He said I should clean and cook all day long and when I’m done, I should do it all again. I can’t stand up to him, I’m Just a woman, my opinion doesn’t count. I feel like I’m object, something that doesn’t matter. I’m not a person, people don’t ask me questions or listen to my thoughts. But like my ma used to say, that’s the way it is and there ain’t nothing I can do to change it’. This isn’t the life I dreamed about, the one that I’d hoped for.
I wanted to be in all the movies, I wanted to be the girl that all guys loved and all girls wanted to be. I shouldVe been a star, I shouldVe been able todo what I want, when I want. I could’ve had a hundred friends, and be showered in diamonds by a man that I loved. I couldVe gone to glamorous parties and out to restaurants every night. Instead, I’m stuck in this mmarriage until the day I die. I would have nice clothes and be in the movies along with a big hotel to be taken care of. What couldn’t get any better than that? My dream is lost on a ranch.